Thoughts about Pain

Pain, in the end, connects us all!

Lately, like in the last couple of days, I have been confronted with different people telling me their stories. Most of them involve pain. A lot of pain. But I have never felt more connected to them than in these vulnerable moments. And I started asking myself: Why me? I barely knew these people, why do they seem to trust me just like that? Because I look friendly? Trustworthy? Because I seem like I can handle it? Or because I might seem like I know the answer to it all?

Well, I think, actually none of this is true. I kept thinking about people needing to tell me that they are hurting. That deep down, their hearts got broken. Damaged. Whether it´s because of friends or family, whether it´s because of the job or health or just life itself. We all have our own stories like that. We all carry around our packs, some of them big, bigger, and then some of them a little smaller. Some are heavy, like my 17 kilo backpack, others are lighter. But still, we all have to carry it around. It belongs to us. It´s part of us. Leaving it behind means leaving behind some part of ourselves as well. That backpack contains stories that made us who we are today. And we are not finished yet. Every day we add to the suitcase. Sometimes we can take something out. Throw it away, let it go. And then, something new will be added. But it´s like that for all of us. Some think, theirs is gone. But that is just because they don’t turn around to see that it´s still attached to their back. They’ve grown used to the weight. And I think that´s it. I don’t know if people trust me, because they can feel I have my own stories in the backpack I am carrying around, and that I am actually aware of it. To be honest, I am positive, that somehow people can feel it. They can feel that I understand. That I don’t judge. That I will listen, and that I will take them seriously. Because I know how it feels like when others don´t. I know how it feels like to be misunderstood, to feel disconnected… And I wish, I really wish there would be more people listening. With open hearts and no judgements, but with compassion. But it seems that people somehow are afraid. I understand. Pain is scary. The easy way out of it seems to be to just ignore our pain completely. Because we assume it will go away then. If we don’t look, it´s like it´s not there. Like small children, we cover our eyes and feel like all the problems around us will be gone. If we refuse to deal with it, maybe everything will vanish. Puff. Like it has never been there in the first place. Let me tell you all, that this is false hope, and this false hope will get back to you, sooner or later. If it gets to you later, prepare yourself for a heavy blow. Because the longer we try to ignore it, the harder the impact will be. Because our pain WANTS to be seen. Our pain WANTS to be felt, in order to be able to go. We have to live through the pain to get rid of it for good. If you don’t believe me, let me tell you that I know, and that I had to learn it the hard way. Yes I know it´s fucking scary and we are scared shitless, that if we will let the pain take over, we won´t be able to stop. That the pain will grow bigger, and we´ll lose ourselves in it. That it will grow so big and unbearable that we will surely die, if we allow ourselves to feel it. I can assure you, this won´t happen. Our body is wise! I promise you, it will protect us, before the pain will get too big. Our body always works FOR us, not against us, even if sometimes, it really doesn´t feel like it. But it does! And we must start to learn the language our body speaks. Our body continuously tries to communicate with us. We have to learn to point the signs and signals it sends us. And we have to start helping each other, because in the end, it´s pain that connects us all.

How lonely the world gets with us all carrying our backpacks around, adding and adding to it every day while keeping our mouth shut and the pain locked up in our hearts. Through silence we MAKE ourselves part with others. With our silence, we let the wall between us and other people grow greater and larger, until we feel nothing but alone and misunderstood. We cut ourselves out, we break with the world and its inhabitants. Just because we feel like the weight on our shoulders is best to be ignored. Although this exact weight could be the key to it all. Because we all carry weight. We´ve all experienced pain. We´ve all endured hurt, and we all had to overcome it at some point. So pain in the end is what connects us all. If we chose compassion over harshness and distress, if we chose love and trust instead of solitude and fear, pain could actually help us getting back together. In a world where people have more intimate relationships with their phones than with their fellow men and women, in a world where our data is collected and the internet and strangers know more about us than our family and friends do, even more than we know about ourselves, it is time to reconnect. Not through alcohol, parties and drugs. Those will only help to supress the pain, helping us keep the masks in place so we can keep on going with our charade, that in the end of the day, when the effects slowly subside, will leave us feeling lonelier and more disconnected than ever. No. It is time to reconnect with our feelings. Truly showing ourselves, even with our dark parts, will set us free. Believe me, I experienced it. It will be our path to a better world, a more compassionate and authentic world. The path through darkness will guide you back into the light. I don’t know about you, but I would much rather live in the real world than this fake world we ourselves created through Instagram and all those social media channels that make you feel like your life sucks. Take your masks off people. Show everyone how beautiful your scars are, because who the hell even wants to be ordinary, who wants to be just like everyone else?

In Japan they believe in kintsugi – the art of embracing harmed souls. In kintsugi, there is beauty in the pain. Beauty in the broken, beauty in the imperfections. When a ceramic is out of order, they will not throw it away. Instead, they will fill the scar with liquid gold. To them, this ceramic is now even more valuable than before. I find this a very healing belief. Why can´t we see that in humans? Just because we´ve been broken, doesn´t mean we´re suddenly worth less. Just because we´ve been hurt, doesn´t mean life is over. We learn through the pain, we grow through the pain. What doesn´t kill us makes us stronger. If we fall, we get back up. And if we fail, we rise from our ashes like a phoenix. Scars are our way to overcome ourselves, to become a better version of our old self, every day anew. So let´s try and fill our scars with gold. Let´s try and be brave, to embrace our harmed souls and invite the pain. We are golden! Let´s try to put our guards down and reconnect, so people on this earth don’t have to be alone together anymore.

I had this text written for quite some time now, waiting in my laptop folder to finally be put up. It has been ready for months, but I knew I wanted to do theme based fotographs to go with it. I had this particular idea in mind, but never found the time to actually do it. The other night, I finally grabbed my camera and started experimenting. This is the outcome, and I am quite happy with it. And always in the back of my mind, both sides of the coin: the pictures that got a little makeover, and then the other ones that I left untouched. Two of each. And I´m sure you´ll agree with me on that: they both carry indescribable beauty inside.

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